Hey, I Wonder What’s In That Box…

So, apparently a box was delivered to that other guy’s house and he left it at my door with a nasty note:

“Hey, Big Time Author Show Off Guy. How about if you get your fancy little books delivered to the right address from now on, okay? I can’t just be your personal mail carrier, alright? I am busy. I have things to do. Anyway, here are your cutesy wootsy little books. I gotta go…do important things. Later.”

Wow. Some people.


Aw, yeah. Copies of POPPED OFF. Not due on bookshelves until September, but totally due in my living room RIGHT NOW.

Hmmmm. Maybe I should give some away? FOR FREE EVEN.


More on this soon….

He’s Great With Power Tools So It Should Be Easy

Actually, Deuce isn’t great with power tools.  He’s a lot like me.  When he needs power tools, he…hires someone to use them.

But I think it would be terribly funny to have him try to build something like this in the next book:

Because if he did, I think it would probably end up looking like this:

I’m guessing Victor might have something to do with it, too.

Stay tuned…

Food On Friday

Hey, remember when I said I’d post a picture of food every Friday?


Good.  Because that was a long time ago and it makes me seem like a liar because I haven’t done it in forever.

Anyway, today is FOOD ON FRIDAY.  The day on which I tell you about food that both Deuce and I like and what I am craving at the moment and what I hope to eat this weekend.  Or something like that.

Today’s food:  A burrito.

Not just any burrito.  But a burrito from Freebird’s.  With steak.  And BBQ sauce.

Fortunately, there is one close by.  There is also one close to Deuce’s home in Rose Petal.

The burrito will look something like this:

So I’m going to eat that.  And then fall into a deep food coma.

Have a good weekend.

Popped Off

What are you doing September 4, 2012?

You’re buying, POPPED OFF, that’s what.

DISCLAIMER:   I wish I had an answer for why the bio isn’t fixed.  No one seems to be able to change it.  I will reiterate – I am not Jeff Allen the ballroom dancer nor is it a phony bio that I created for the pseudonym.  He is apparently a real person who also writes books about ballroom dancing.  I’d assume he isn’t real pleased about being attached to my books either, but no one seems to be able to do anything about it.  JEFFREY ALLEN is a pseudonym that I created specifically for the this series – all of my other books – serious mysteries and thrillers – can be found under my real name, JEFF SHELBY.  I apologize for any confusion.

Well, This Is Totally Awkward

Having a pseudonym is already a bit confusing for me, so I don’t need anyone to further complicate the matter for me.

Amazon, apparently, wishes to further complicate the matter for me.

I went to check out the Stay At Home Dead page at Amazon a couple of days ago (NO!  NOT TO CHECK THE SALES RANK OR HOW MANY REVIEWS IT HAS!  THAT WOULD BE RIDICULOUS!  It was because…well, I don’t recall now, but I’m sure it wasn’t those things.  DON’T JUDGE!) and as I scrolled down the page this is what I found under the Author Bio:

JEFF ALLEN is a columnist for Dancing USA  magazine and the author of four books on social and ballroom dancing. He holds Membership credentials with the North American Dance Teachers Association, Inc., and the Pan American Teachers Association. After competing in national and international competitions and winning the Gold closed level at the North American Championships, Jeff turned professional in 1984. However, he considers his greatest accomplishments to be the more than 30 Top Teacher awards he has won and being listed among the top teachers in America by DVIDA as a Regional examiner and teacher trainer.

Yeah, that ain’t me.

Hopefully, this will all be rectified soon and no one will ever ask me to show them how to dance.  Because that wouldn’t be good for anyone.

Hey Daddy

“Hey Daddy.  What should I be when I grow up?”

“I don’t know.  What do you want to be?”

“I think I wanna be a writer like you.”

“Okay.  That’d be cool.”

“Or maybe a teacher like you.”

“That’d be cool, too.”

“Or maybe a cat.”

“A cat?”

“Yeah.  Because you know how much I love cats.”


“It’s gonna be a tough decision, Daddy.”

The Things Dads Do

I used to be a huge American Idol fan.  Like, I counted the days until it started and then studied the contestants, trying to spot the winner and then watched with great anticipation to see who would actually win.

Then Simon left and Jennifer Lopez joined the show and I vomited all over my shoes and lost interest.

But now my daughter is a huge fan and begs to watch it, even though Jennifer Lopez’s voice makes me want to rip my ears off and learn sign language.

So tonight, we are eating quesadillas on the couch and I’m pretending that I care about Idol because she loves to watch it so much.

These are things that dads do for their kids.

But really – I can’t stand Jennifer Lopez.